Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
