you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
it's like heaven, but drunker
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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