My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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