my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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