you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
