if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
jump out the window naked night went bad
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
