I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
pray to the hookup gods
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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