My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
