Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
