this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
