He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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