turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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