can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
operation have a gay friend backfired
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
