Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
