I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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