The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
