he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Randomize
