i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
