My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
