For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
