Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
