i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
