How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
