He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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