I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
