Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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