WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
My nipple is on Facebook.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
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