Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Randomize
