I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
