so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
