Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
