I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Randomize
