dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
