If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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