I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
the room spins SO much faster in panama
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
