I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
