Little spoons don't ask big questions
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I lost the right to judge tonight
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
