Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
