he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
