The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
