Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
