He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
