JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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