I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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