So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
