so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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