good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
