I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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