is your mom at the bar?
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
