mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
It's rum buckets o'clock
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
