Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
