she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
