my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
