DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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