I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
