shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
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