wat bout pragnant strippers??
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
