How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
